IT'S BEEN A MINUTE.

"I have not been posting for a while now, this is a post I wrote months ago and when I was about to post it, the laptop just blacked out. I also do not know how and why, just in case you are wondering. So today I open my blog and I still find it there, no single word altered. Guess its a call for me to get back to writing........................... Have a read *smiley*."


                       

Hello everyone,

I’m looking for a different sentence to begin with other than the usual “it’s been a while”, drop any comments below. Hoping you have been great, I have been doing good aaaaaaaaaaaaand I am excited about this post, it was supposed to be up a few days ago, but funny how so many things came up. I have been praying for the patience and joy of the Lord for a long time, and it came through. I could have been posting this while angry and mad (I call it mangry), but I’m all smiles now. *sigh* I don’t know where to begin from, but LETS DO THIS!!

I have had esteem issues since way back; I always thought everyone else is better than me and that I am not good enough. This affected me so much that I couldn’t even make friends, because I always felt intimidated. (It’s a long story, so I’mma cut it short to get to today’s topic however someday I’ll post all about it.) so, fast-forward till when I got born again * ahem, it’s just juzi* and I met this super crazy friends, who kinda helped get me out of my cocoon, stretched my wings and taught me how to fly. It wasn’t easy though. The problem with having a low-self-esteem is you want to be like everyone else, giving them a chance to control you however they want.

Why am I posting this? I’m not really sure, but I hope it gets to someone out there who is so much struggling to fit in someone else's shoe, someone who dislikes herself because everyone says negative things about them. “your eyes are too big”, “what’s wrong with your nails?”, “watch out you are growing fat” “you just aint that pretty” and so much more. I’ve heard this and many more but here is a word for you, for I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made, marvelous are thy works. (KJV) psalms 139.14

Once I was mad at people, everyone who didn't like me, or they thought I should lose some weight, or get some fake nails to look good. I got so mangry, and I was thinking why is it that no one ever walks up to a skinny girl *very skinny* and ask them “hey, are you having enough food to eat?” then I realized I had let this people control me, my life revolved around them. All I ever thought about is what would they think I look like? What would they want me to do? and so many questions.

Human beings can be so insensitive, I remember a longtime friend once texted me blankly “long time, hope you good, however I don’t like how you look so big nowadays do something about it”. …………………………………………………………… I was shocked for days; started starving myself and I suddenly felt ten times bigger hahaha, and so many more friends wrote to me, did they plan about it? Maybe it was true I dint look good. Am I too ugly now? Will I ever get a husband (this was the main issue btw) hihihi.

Cheeeeeeeeiiiii * afrocinema* I learnt to be me, accept me and love me just as I am. I look in the mirror and smile. To you out there who feels ugly, not good enough, intimidated and all that. Rise , and hold your chin up. Do not let anyone live for you, accept the flaws you think you may have, look in the mirror and step away in confidence. Recognize your true value and self-worth. NEVER change who you are to please anyone and do not depend on the approval of a man, or anyone else to know that you are BEAUTIFUL.

 However, this is not a go ahead for anyone to live an unhealthy life, eat healthy and stay healthy, see ya'll on my next post :).

 And God saw every thing that He had made, and, behold, it was very good. (KJV). Genesis 1.31

BUTTERFLIES

Lucky me today, my class ended earlier giving me time to post. It has been a struggle, each time I purpose to write something comes up and I keep on postponing. so today I have blocked everything out of my mind, all those assignments, meetings and cats to read for they should wait.

Now, of late I have been feeling low in my spirit and I had purposed to shut this blog down, till a friend approached me and she was like, “hey tsup, you have not posted anything new of late?” I dint have any excuse so I just stared at her blankly and she kept saying how she gets inspired a lot. I was shocked, I mean?? Seeing someone encourage you and rejoice in what you do is a blessing, as I was walking saying a thank you prayer to God, my phone rings. Guess whose calling……………….? Big brother and he tells me how I’m doing a good thing and asks lotsa stuff that are expected of him. Love you bro*hitting my chest*, ulinitouch. These two incidents brought sense back into my head so here I am again.

Well, this post is just full of ‘mushene’, but I hope you still get something from this. It all began more than a year ago when she opened up to me about her crush on this guy. Crushes are interesting and I must say I have enjoyed the ride. In the beginning it was worse; she couldn’t eat anything nor sleep until she took it to the Lord in prayers. Now mark that point, where she took it to the Lord. Yes! I know it may sound absurd to tell the Lord such stuff but it shouldn’t, coz after that there was so much peace around and within her.It wasn’t easy for me though coz everything around us somehow had his name. That’s something I haven’t understood until today, I would have loved to give you examples but you never know he might read this and I don’t want to lose a friend.     

So one weekend we walk into a fellowship and the preacher (Rev. Hope Blackwell) is speaking about singleness, just the right thing we needed to hear as single ladies. So the preacher (a woman of the Lord I love so much) was using the story of Ruth, and how she was serving the Lord still in her singleness. In her singleness she was complete and contended, and that’s when the Lord brought her and Boaz together. She was explaining how after the death of Ruth’s husband, she dint leave her mother-in-law (Naomi). It’s like Ruth aliona this woman has been left with no children how will she survive? Or maybe how will she overcome all the loneliness? She sacrificed going back to her people (maybe get another husband say goodbye to singleness, have pretty babies. Now I know that’s probably what we always want) but she dint, she did not feel incomplete, she didn’t feel like being with her mother-in-law will remind her of her gone husband. Instead she decided to put her past and her pain behind to serve the Lord, and also look after Naomi.

I will use my friends’ story to explain the other part because I have the permission to and because I hope you’ll understand things better from that angle. This other part is all about creating an idol and a spirit husband. Now if you remember me telling you the agony I went through when everything had this guy’s name, that’s exactly how spiritual husbands are made. In my friends head this guy was the one, whether he is born again or not, he has to be the one. So it’s like she was already dating only that the guy dint know about it yet. Every single part of her world was occupied by this guy, now this drew her far away from God; she had made for herself a mini god. This is what the devil likes and he uses this opportunity, where you feel you need a guy, a boyfriend, a husband. Where you are so busy feeling lonely and searching for that guy that you forget about your ministry work and you stop reading the bible that he brings you a counterfeit.

Yes, you will rejoice, start dating and before you know it you are walking down the aisle with him. Even though he doesn’t have the characteristics of a Godly man, you convince yourself that you can change him and bring him to the light. Life gets tough, you can’t handle it anymore. Then you start asking what happened? Now most guys start hating on God and they forget they did not even seek Gods counsel when they went for the first date. They wanted him ( their escape goat from single-hood) to be the one, I agree at some point single life sucks but He (the Lord) is always there to comfort us. For you to meet that person that he meant for you, first of all feel complete and know that in your singleness you can still serve the Lord. Second of all, serve God, in truth and in spirit and be at the place of God. Strengthen your relationship with God. Third, be content in your circumstance as a single person and always seek God in everything you do.

This has to be the longest post I have ever wrote, and the great thing about it is, I don’t feel like stopping. Information is just flowing in my head and I feel like typing but, let me get back to my normal life. I know a few people who have missed me already (kujichocha), see you next time. I have totally nothing to do with the title of this post, I don't even know how they are related, a friend just suggested it.

Gods peace.

I am writing this post a disturbed person today. My heart is heavy and I have known no peace since yesternight. I always see stories about domestic violence all over and blankly share the posts on my facebook timeline without a thought of it happening to anyone I know. Yes the bible tells women to be submissive to their husbands, but don't confuse that and let him make you a punching bag. If he raises his hands once to hit you, the probability is that he will never change, any time he is mad or feels the need to relieve his stress he will punch you again and again.
I see stories of domestic violence all over and I wonder how many times do women need to get empowered??????? Most women get scared of leaving because they need security and protection, maybe they don't want the society to point fingers claiming how they can't keep a family, this same society will mistreat your kids after your "loving husband" punches you to death. I am calling them "loving husbands" because this is what most ladies paint them to be. Post pics on all social medias of him and claim how blessed they are hopefully wishing that is going to change him. No, it wont change him,but gives him the opportunity to punch you more since he sees how you are desperately in need of him.
Now I'm not saying that you should wash your dirty linen in public,I am saying that you should leave!!! Leave and live for your child. That son or daughter you are staying for thinking he needs a dad in his life like all other children, needs the mother too. Ever thought what will become of your child when one day you are punched to death??That aunt or uncle you want to please and make happy by staying in your abusive marriage wont bring you back to life, or maybe you are afraid of loosing all that money because you are living a luxurious life??? you can still get there through your own hard work. Yes! you can achieve that too.
Some of you are now frowning their faces thinking I am not to say a thing because I am not yet married so how do I know this?? or I am just writing because I think its easy to just pack and leave,I know its not but i know someone who is a survivor of domestic violence because of me, someone who chose to leave and live instead of all the other things that were beneficial either to me or her.
Make that right decision and say NO! to domestic violence, don't let fear control you, fear of being a failure, fear of not making it by your own. You are the one who feels the pain and put your life in danger, they don't know what happens to you behind closed doors so don't let them make you stay there.
Above all let Jesus be the center of it all, run to Him, you will never be disappointed. He guides His people through the right paths and always wants the best for them. Choose to be a domestic violence SURVIVOR and not a VICTIM.

Psssst! even if you have no child with him, the better. RUUUUUUUN.

Uuuhm! I know I have been lost for weeks and I can explain (hahaha). When you guys were busy wondering what happened to me, I was busy scratching my head in the exams room trying to figure out the answers. Exams kept me occupied in the past few weeks, that I couldn't even have some me-time.However, I am a lucky lady. I walked in for the exams feeling like a super woman, ready to fight em' giants, I was loaded. Once I got the papers, all I did is write down them answers and hand over the paper like:this is really a joke, what kind of simple questions, and walked out a happy soul waiting for the best results ever.

(Evil laugh), that up there is what I dreamt of every night. Back to reality now! I woke up every day feeling sick and tired of the exams. I hate it when they have to test my IQ, what if I don't measure up!!! whats gonna happen? So I walked in for my exams with a heavy heart and down casted. I was looking at some questions and wondering "when did I learn this?????????" like seriously some lectures are jokers, looked around for company and everyone else was busy noting down their answers I was the only one with a blank sheet. That is how I ended up panicking and forgetting everything including those I know of. Why did they tell me that university life is all fun and games???

I have decided to be serious and note down my resolutions, no more confusion during exams, no more sad stories. Since I know i'll pull up my socks I decided to celebrate and treat myself for surviving through the exams, I could have collapsed during my exams or get depressed, but I am an iron lady who made it through even when i barely knew nothing. I rushed to the school cafeteria ready to spend the 200 shillings that mama had sent me. "Chips and juice please" (too sad sikua na pesa ya kuku) and there it was, took some few photos for remembrance and had my delicious food. It was officially a cheat day ( my health journey- story of another day).

While I was enjoying my delicious food, I remembered you guys, and how its been long, I decided to go for my first photo shoot yeeeeey!! I'll share some few pics because I am one of those ladies who take 50 selfies just to upload only 2 of them .(emojis where are you when i need you most)

                                                                   

I honestly do not know why I was in the bushes, guess I was too over excited for the camera, I promise to do better the next time.

Thats about it for today, enjoy your evening.
Bye.............................

                 
                                                  

ITS NOT ABOUT THE WEDDING.

 I love rain, I honestly do but aaargh! I just don't like the mud, the cold and flu that comes with it.However, I have come to realize that cold seasons brings people together, its during such days that you find family members that rarely talk, all cuddled up in the kitchen or around the fire, warming themselves up.

 I am speaking out of experience, just in case you are wondering how I got to know all that. It this morning when I found myself in the kitchen with two of my girls. I call them my girls because they are not just random friends you meet with and forget they ever exist, these are people who have impacted my life in tremendous ways I dint expect when I first knew them. So back to where we were, we were in the kitchen, catching up, and having some chit chat when something popped up. I hope u learn much from it just as I did.

Its every girls dream to walk down the aisle looking all glamorous and adorable that will leave young girls dreaming of their wedding day, and calling upon the Lord to answer their prayers. Yes !Its important and good to look all stunning on your wedding day, I mean its your day. What most people forget nowadays is that, its not about the WEDDING, but the MARRIAGE. That got you off-guard? I thought so, most people want to pull a public stunt and show how they can afford it, how they can throw a lavish wedding for people to eye on , and forget that there is a life after the wedding, a life where people wont be there to help you off set the loans you took, where people wont be there to provide peace in your home when it starts falling apart because you cant agree on how to pay the bills.

This is exactly how christian life is, we forget that its all about our creator,God. Its about His purpose for our life and not about what our friends will think of us, or how people will talk about us. We should stop focusing on people and their ideas, make up our mind and live accordingly to the christian ways of life. Galatians 2.20 "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the LIFE which i now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."(KJV).
this should be the verse we apply in our everyday life, live for Christ.

The wedding and the marriage is similar to when one gets born again, what matters is not that day, but the life you live after that day, and so when that day comes, and you stand in front of judgment, you will realize it was never about the wedding, but the marriage.

MY LIFE AT A GLANCE

Hello world,

Finally!(phew) I get to be here. I opened this today and I am super excited, hasn't really sank yet, maybe i need a reality check or something.

A little about me:
I am a student at Daystar University, Athi River campus, the place where you get roasted everyday because of the hot sun but still drag yourself to class because I have no choice. Do I? at times I get out of my room feeling like the Israelites in the desert when they had to look at the snake or die, so I rush to class coz I don't want to die I have to face the snake and live, make my future bright and my mama proud. Its during that sunny day,when I find myself in a math class, and it hits me BOOM!!! why am I here, there is no way math will help me, how is math even related to communication??? ooh did i mention I am a communication major? and by the time I find answers the class is over. That's pretty much what I deal with.

Well, 21 years is my age. Honestly, I don't know how I got here, I am one of those who do not know how time flies. A moment I am 16 and the next thing I know I am turning twenty one. when did I turn 17, where was I when 18? Then you hear the evil laughter.................., okay? okay conscious I accept, am 21 period!

Here is the best part*drum rolls*. I am the only girl child in a family of four. That's awesome right? I mean, from my point of view. I get to be the one who can wear pretty little dresses that mama brings home, and get the bonus of using mama's lipstick, then go to church feeling like Queen Elizabeth's daughter with three brothers watching every step I make like my body guards, last time i checked i did not hire anyone, being the girl I am,I not only prepare food but GOOD food and feel like the best chef ever, no competitions, no cat fights. The spotlight is all on me, just me.

I think that's too much for a day, but I cant wrap it up without acknowledging Jesus Christ, my personal Savior. does that ring a bell? brace yourself for a lil' church up in here. This is what will help us grow,Yes! US......... me and you. He is the solid rock and we have to keep holding tight on to Him and never let go.
My life began  when i met the Lord, its through Him, in Him, by Him and with Him that I got this far. (Told you its a lil' church up in here.) One of those Christians,not again.?! this is what might be in your head, but hello..............................., that's life through my lenses.